Conservatives React To Alex Garland’s ‘Civil War’Alex Garland’s newest dystopian film, which takes place in the not-so-distant future, follows a team of military-embedded journalists as they travel across the country during America’s second Civil War. The Onion asked conservatives how they felt…
LocalDad Gives Knowing Nod To Family Also Dealing With Whiny Little ShitCLEVELAND—In a sign of solidarity to a nearby child-burdened party attempting to eat breakfast in peace at a local IHOP, 43-year-old father Greg Markie reportedly gave a knowing nod Tuesday to another family also dealing with a whiny little…
LocalAbsent-Minded Man Can’t Remember Why He Slathered His Nude Body In Pork Fat And Lit Himself On Fire
Breaking NewsEric Trump Only Potential Juror Uninformed Enough To Serve At Father’s TrialNEW YORK—Noting that the former president’s high-profile antics had made it exceedingly difficult to move ahead with the case, sources confirmed Monday that Eric Trump was the only potential juror uninformed enough to serve at his father’s trial.…
EntertainmentLeak Suggests New Taylor Swift Album All About Sink Not Draining Good Because It Clogged By Long Hair