Marvel Fans Explain Why The Silver Surfer Could Never Be FemaleThough most incarnations of the superhero have been male, it was recently announced that Julia Garner would play a female Silver Surfer in a new Fantastic Four movie. The Onion asked Marvel fans why the Silver Surfer could never be a woman, and…
Breaking NewsNew Study Finds Rocket-Powered Roller Skates Still Fastest Way To Commute To Job As Eccentric Inventor
LocalSubway Manager Shows New Hire How To Properly Soak Bread In Mop WaterLEBANON, IN—Noting that the sandwich-making technique was simple but might take a few tries to master, local Subway manager Keith Unger showed a new hire Tuesday how to properly soak bread in mop water. “So first things first: You’re going to want…
LocalAbsent-Minded Man Can’t Remember Why He Slathered His Nude Body In Pork Fat And Lit Himself On Fire
PoliticsBiden: ‘Israel Has An Obligation Not To Harm My Reelection Chances’WASHINGTON—Responding to fallout from the Israeli military’s killing of seven World Central Kitchen aid workers in Gaza, President Biden made an address Thursday asserting that Israel had an obligation not to harm his reelection chances. “Let me be…
Breaking NewsExcavation Of Ancient Pompeii Kitchen Unearths Fully Intact ‘Leave The Gun, Take The Cannoli’ Tea Towel
EntertainmentLeak Suggests New Taylor Swift Album All About Sink Not Draining Good Because It Clogged By Long Hair